Garbage Guts

What do all of these items of food have in common?

Yes, they were delicious. Yes, they were free. Most importantly, they were intercepted by my mouth directly en route to the garbage! I’ve embarked on a journey into eating almost exclusively peoples’ leftovers. Motivated by the impending doom of climate change and the fact that agriculture contributes to a large portion of global greenhouse gas emissions, I’ve decided to eat food that has contributed the least to this problem. Due to the climate change induced reduction in biodiversity and it’s effects on mental health (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306987711000910), among other reasons, I feel that we all have a responsibility in ameliorating this issue and choosing to promote a fossil fuel intensive agricultural system is not something that makes me too ecstatic. I rely on personally harvested and scavenged foods from animals I have recently been fortunate enough to being to my freezer, fruit trees in my neighborhood, the community garden, and leftovers at the mall food court and the school dining hall. Either free of petroleum-based inputs such as pesticides, fertilizers, and machine cultivation or considered waste, these all seem to contribute zero carbon emissions.

The scavenging diet has become a source of much joy, as Julie or Alex and I proclaim out excitement with each properly spotted and secured morsel of edible sustenance. We’ve discovered that you can say a phrase such as “I really want a Coke right now,” wait a moment, and be granted your wish by an unsuspecting genie with blonde hair as she moves off to shop for some more shoes. If you are nice enough, the cleaning crew will join your team, offering up the juiciest Chinese grilled chicken and half-filled cups of Johnny Mango smoothies. The fun and scrumptious is literally endless! I invite any and all moral and ethically-conscious eaters to join me in my pursuit to save the world one succulent bite of garbage at a time.

Anyone have any tips, critiques, or suggestions?