Carbon Neutral Food Plan

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Convinced by the doomsdayers like Bill McKibben, who’s article convincing people that the Earth’s habitability is near extinction and fossil fuel companies are the devil I had to read for class (http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/global-warmings-terrifying-new-math-20120719), I’ve been more motivated to reduce the greenhouse gas emissions caused by my lifestyle. Obviously one person can’t fix the issue, but at the same time it all adds up and we are all capable agents of social change. I believe it’s all of our civic duties to “be the change” we want to see in the world. Inspired by http://lowcarbongirl.com/, I aim to demonstrate how we can all stop fuelling the anthropocene extinctions and the Koch brothers’ rapidly inflating wallets (http://archives.politicususa.com/2011/09/21/koch-brothers-wealth.html).

I decided long ago to start walking instead of driving whenever it is feasible for my health (http://www.marksdailyapple.com/17-reasons-to-walk-more-this-year/#axzz3n7095s31) and heat my house only when Dan or Jay complained about seeing their breath while lounging around snapchatting, but I’ve recently zoned in on the food I eat and it’s effects on the global methane and carbon dioxide levels. Fossil fuels are heavily relied upon during the whole food chain from:

  • manufacture of fertilizer
  • manufacture of pesticides
  • heavy machinery cultivations
  • transportation
  • refrigeration
  • others?

So there goes the grocery store!

Options now include:

  • wild harvested meat, fruit, and vegetables
  • forlorn foods at friends’ abodes
  • leftovers at the school dining hall
  • unwanted sides at mall dining court
  • grocery store dumpsters
  • garbage cans in close proximity to takeaways
  • carbon neutral foods at the store (so far I’ve only seen wine http://www.yealands.co.nz/wines/all/peter-yealands)

Posts about each of these to come if you beg… or bride with near-rotten vegetables

Some of this might not sound appetizing, but that would only indicate you haven’t practiced using your scavenging eye enough. My amazing scavenging team members will vouch for the deliciousness and pure ecstasy we’ve derived from plenty of these sustenance sources. Let me know if you’d like to join next time we go harvest!

I still haven’t figured out how to cook my food without spurting mass quantities of pollution into this revitalising New Zealand air, but I welcome suggestions. Perfection in life will be attained if I could just find a reliable source of half-drank coffees like I did the other day at the mall. Or a carbon neutral source to buy. Anyone know of any? Tea and chocolate would be nice as well…

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Garbage Guts

What do all of these items of food have in common?

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Yes, they were delicious. Yes, they were free. Most importantly, they were intercepted by my mouth directly en route to the garbage! I’ve embarked on a journey into eating almost exclusively peoples’ leftovers. Motivated by the impending doom of climate change and the fact that agriculture contributes to a large portion of global greenhouse gas emissions, I’ve decided to eat food that has contributed the least to this problem. Due to the climate change induced reduction in biodiversity and it’s effects on mental health (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306987711000910), among other reasons, I feel that we all have a responsibility in ameliorating this issue and choosing to promote a fossil fuel intensive agricultural system is not something that makes me too ecstatic. I rely on personally harvested and scavenged foods from animals I have recently been fortunate enough to being to my freezer, fruit trees in my neighborhood, the community garden, and leftovers at the mall food court and the school dining hall. Either free of petroleum-based inputs such as pesticides, fertilizers, and machine cultivation or considered waste, these all seem to contribute zero carbon emissions.

The scavenging diet has become a source of much joy, as Julie or Alex and I proclaim out excitement with each properly spotted and secured morsel of edible sustenance. We’ve discovered that you can say a phrase such as “I really want a Coke right now,” wait a moment, and be granted your wish by an unsuspecting genie with blonde hair as she moves off to shop for some more shoes. If you are nice enough, the cleaning crew will join your team, offering up the juiciest Chinese grilled chicken and half-filled cups of Johnny Mango smoothies. The fun and scrumptious is literally endless! I invite any and all moral and ethically-conscious eaters to join me in my pursuit to save the world one succulent bite of garbage at a time.

Anyone have any tips, critiques, or suggestions?